Friday, September 4, 2009


"The search for truth is the noblest expression of the Soul.... When not actively sought, truth seldom comes to light, but falsehood does. Truth is life and falsity is spiritual death. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind. -- We may bring ourselves to believe almost anything by rationalization (another one of our fine arts), and so it's well to begin and end our inquiry with the question, "is it true?"
It is much simpler to appear to be honest than to be honest. We must strive to be in reality what we appear to be. Our searching self-inventories help because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorstep of honesty. Our instinct for exhibitionism, even though held in check, is a foe of honesty. When we try to enhance our our stature in the eyes of others, dishonesty is there in the shadows..."
--from The Oxford Group "Four Absolutes"

Having some synchronicity bends my attention to what messages there may be in it. Recently I have read 3 books about basically the same thing. All three books were given to me by different people who said, " I thought you'd like to read this." It used to be this kind of crap would rattle me and I'd chalk it up to "coincidence." However, today.... its very different.
The Ego that I am speaking to here, is what we in AA call the False Self. It feeds primarily on 2 lies, 1.) that I'm better than you and 2.)that I am not good enough.
Once the Ego is well fed it gives birth to some neurotic shit like greed, selfishness, manipulation, delusion. It totally distorts the Truth. The truth that we were created to love and be loved. We live in a society the tells us to, grab the brass ring, make the grade, be the funniest, be the prettiest, be the best you can be because who you are will never be enough, its what you DO that validates you.
OK, I'm not promoting sloth here (another lovely defect of mine) but I am speaking to not living the lie that tells you to look out for number one! Ego is smooth, self serving and smart. It is an energy that feeds on fear and it is an enemy of the humble. Countries and some male patriarchy's are EGO driven to the bone... and sitting here thinking of how hard it is to pursue Truth in all area's of my life, I wonder... is it ever possible for a collective society to realize this?? The whole system is inherently polluted by EGO. A system of lies, a system that would look the other way when someone is hungry, sick or unlike the "norm" to care if they are being discriminated against... This seems to me, the antithesis of Love... Jesus had a solution but we were too afraid then, as we are now, to part with our False Kingdom...

To be honest with myself... is the best defense I have against that insidious demon (EGO)that warps my thinking and robs me of serenity, now. Its no wonder we live in a cross addicted society; more drink, more food, more money, more sex, more, more, more. I don't think "hell" is not having enough,... its the FEAR that what you have or who you are, is never enough.

an AA acronym:


  1. Del this is a great post. Fear is the stumbling block to a true sense of self. Unfortunately most of us make fear the cornerstone.

    The biggest tool I've found to really get over the false self is to stop fearing death. By this I mean really knowing there is a part of your consciousness which will survive physical death. The whole search for self truth involves uncovering that self.

    Our inherent legitimate biological fear morphs into producing other forms of death and we fear them as well. And then in our drive to avoid death we set our 'selves' up for death in all kinds of other ways. That's what makes people so fascinating--all the ways we use to kill or be killed in a pychological sense.

    Imagine what would happen if we actually chose life. And I don't mean in any moral theological sense. LOL

  2. Colleen,
    As usual your keen insights and thoughts leave me enlightened but I'd like for you to elaborate on the whole psycho death idea... I'm unsure as to the direction that is going. ( eeps.)